"Happiness is better than art."
So says a music teacher at the beginning of the 1944 movie Gaslight, urging his student to abandon her singing in favor of getting married. As an artist, the line caught my ear, and I've remembered it ever since. Is happiness really better than art? With so many tortured and depressed artists in the evidence file, is it reasonable to assume that art and happiness are mutually exclusive? Which is more important: to be happy to the point of forgetting your artistic goals, or to funnel all your time into creating your magnum opus at the expense of creating memories?
Personally, the times I've been most creative have been energetically the lowest points in my life. Whether it's times of loneliness or depression, or times when I haven't had much else going on, these are the months my creativity has exploded.
Conversely, the happier seasons of my life have historically seen deserts in my body of work. This summer in particular has been the best summer of my life so far, and the number of illustrations I've got to show for it is shockingly low. Surprising, since one of the reasons I came to Alaska was to quiet my life down and focus on making art for the summer.
Several things got in the way of my art this summer. Communal living, for one thing, is always terrific for my mental health. For years I rented apartments alone, telling people I liked being in control of my environment etc. But as I've discovered time and time again, I'm probably more of a 90/10 split when it comes to extroversion and introversion—90% of my time spent with other people, and 10% of my time spent alone, seems to be my optimal ratio.
The other thing is that art takes time. When I reach flow, I can crank out an illustration in about twenty minutes. However, it takes time to get to that state of flow. When you've got nothing going on and your days are blending together, it's easy to get to a state of flow every day. Just look at my Instagram from Fall 2020, when I was unemployed at home, and you'll find a cascade of webtoons, illustrations, and blog posts. Because I had the time. Unfortunately, the inspiration withered, and without inspiration, art is a chore.
I came to Alaska to reignite my inspiration, so I've put most of my projects on the back burner for the summer. There are so many things happening in Alaska, free time is easy to fill. Hiking, biking, reading on the beach, going out with friends, taking short trips—The only other place I've been this busy was Taiwan. And even when we're all staying in, the thought of cloistering away to spend time by myself is just not attractive. I've finally gotten my ADHD under control and mastered the art of sitting and existing in a crowded room without feeling like I need to go work on a project.
This summer was supposed to be a summer of art, but instead it's been a vacation for my soul. Good for me, but not so much for my art. And that's when I realize the relationship between happiness and art—one you do for others, and one you do for yourself. Creating art brings joy to others, but being happy is good for your soul.
As an artist, you can't have just one in your life. You need a balance of both. You need times to put away your pen and paper and, and you also need quiet times when you can lock the door and focus on creating. Without the happy times, you'll have no reference for infusing your work with joy, and without the quiet times you won't have anything to show for the good times you spent.
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